Not Boring Yet

The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet.
-James Oppenheim

Living with toddlers can be an experience. For example, Heather and Pavel have a strangely interesting toilet in their bathroom. Besides the typical bathroom toilet, each of the two little toddlers have their own personal, brightly colored, plastic toilet. One of these personal, brightly colored toilets contains a technological device that is sure to benefit the entire world. You see, when any form of liquid touches two little sensors at the bottom of the bowl it begins to sing.

Yes. The toilet sings.

And, it's not very good at it. The toilet blasts out, at the top of its tiny little lungs, "If You're Happy and You Know It". It sounds like one of those ancient cell phone ring tones, but worse. To make matters worse, the toilet won't shut up until the sensors decide that everything has evaporated. I honestly think the toilet-makers had severe childhood trauma and therefore decided to get revenge on the world by making a singing toilet. They conveniently made sure that the battery was impossible to get to.

Several days ago it was my turn to clean the bathroom. Part of this entails cleaning the little toilets. I gingerly picked them up and quickly dropped them in the bathtub. I grabbed the bleach and proceeded to pour a little bit in each toilet. "IF YOU'RE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, CLAP YOUR HANDS!" I jumped and about peed my pants. I hurriedly cleaned the possessed toilet and tried to dry the little sensors off. Well, it turns out that the bleach damaged the sensors and no matter what the toilet would not stop singing! All day long we heard the toilet contently singing its heart out. Finally, around 7pm Pavel got fed up with it and took it outside. Sometime in the middle of the night the thing ran out of batteries, and by the next morning it was allowed in the bathroom again.

If you ever run into a singing toilet, think of us and pray.
-Matthias

PS. On a side note, the entire time Mom thought the toilet was singing "Oh, be careful little eyes what you see, oh be careful little eyes what you see, for the Father up above is looking down in love, oh be careful little eyes what you see." She eventually asked Heather where they got a toilet that sung Christian songs. That's when she found out that the toilet was actually an atheist.